Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
no, he came in my armpit
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
