I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
