If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
