Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
