You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
