I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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