just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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