i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
