Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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