i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
