it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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