Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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