Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
