if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
