I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
