im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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