I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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