Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
