No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Randomize
