and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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