Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
we're so committed to being not committed
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
