I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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