I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
