Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
