i think my tv is drunk
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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