every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
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I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
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That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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