those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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