Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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