He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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