I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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