the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize