My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
