she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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