Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
