If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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