Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
