did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
