ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
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Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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