i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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