So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
