Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
