sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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