Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
