so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
MIDGETS
????
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
