I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
