I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
a search helicopter?!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
