you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
