Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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