Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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