I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
