Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
