i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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