I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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