Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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