also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
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WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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