you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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