I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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