So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
