i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
