i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
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While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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