So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
