He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
