On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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