i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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