I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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