my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm like, not good at living.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
