If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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