What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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