You're so nebulous sometimes
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
