god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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